Well… what I see in my practice, this is the hardest. We grow up with the sentence be honest with others. Should we BE really? I mean honesty is a beautiful thing in theory, but being honest in a straight, sometimes rude way and being honest in the polite way is different story. Being polite does not mean you lie, does not mean you mislead the other person, it means you chose your words and tone in a way that you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. And yes sometimes you don’t say a word, you just keep it to yourself, because not everyone likes to know the truth. Maybe she/he is not ready for yet, respect that. First thing has to be done to be HONEST WITH YOURSELF, you know the saying “clean your own porch first”, then you will know who to talk truthfully, when and how.
How many times you have told the truth, without thinking of the consequences and you lost a job/friend/maybe even family member? How many times you have said “I’m just honest, If you don’t like what I’ve said it’s your problem”. We both know you could have said it differently, you didn’t need to hurt others just because that’s the way you are. When you are honest without considering the damage you will cause, then you really just want to step on them. You should think of that, are you maybe honest in the public eye, to balance it out how much you lie to yourself? How much do you HIDE THE TRUTH FROM YOURSELF, because it is always harder to see whats going on inside of us than see it in somebody else.
You can’t tell you friend straight forward she has made a bad choice and her boyfriend/new job/dream is stupid. You would tell your friend nicely, trying to be as polite as possible and using words that hopefully resonate with her and she is maybe thinking it thru. Mean words never changed anyone’s life. Words which are kind and truthful, but not hurtful actually did!
Last, but not least, don’t forget THAT THIS IS NOT YOUR LIFE. It is not your job to wake up people (believe me I have tried it on my own, with close friends and family and didn’t work. They weren’t ready then, doesn’t matter how I talked to them, how hard I tried), your job is to be truthful in your own life, what means “Live how you talk. Be an example.”
The daily mantra for you to start:
Take a deep breath and think if it is the right time to say something /anything.